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Chat Roulette Makes Me Sad

February 8, 2010


Read on if you want to get bummed about Chat Roulette with me.

Apparently the Chat Roulette phenomenon swept the globe way back in 2009, but it wasn’t until today that I took it for a spin.I didn’t see the point in trying until my friend Walker said he chatted with one of the Jonas brothers, and while I refuse to admit I know who the Jonas brothers are, my interest was piqued.

But let me tell you, Chat Roulette is terrifying.
I vaguely remember that my friend Zak said I probably shouldn’t Chat Roulette by myself. Now I understand why.

My first chat partner was a husky blond girl who for some reason found my appearance offensive–She disconnected immediately. Maybe she was hoping for a guy? Was she trollin’? [that would be Reason #2 why Chat Roulette Makes Me Sad. I think Reason #1 is the Jonas brothers].

Anyways, within 30 seconds of chatting with my first real partner he asked if he could ‘c sum more’. I told him I ‘have a bf’ and he logged off:(.

Here’s the guy who was digging my chili:

Don’t worry guys he said he was 18.

After a few similar exchanges I gave up on chatting and asked the Gods of Interwebs to help me understand this Chat Roulette business. They essentially told me that CR’s purpose is for exhibitionist-types to expose their dongs, oftentimes while wearing masks . From what I gather, we are supposed to observe this in awe at what strange and interesting lengths humanity is willing go to to.. what? assert our uniqueness? I am asking this question to the entire Internet (or just you, Lee) because I don’t know the answer. Or maybe it’s just supposed to serve as a cross-section of society?

Either way, it’s depressing.

Srsly! What is the point of Chat Roulette? The most obvious point, seeking a sexual encounter, seems really pathetic. There are plenty of actual sites for that.

I’m aware of the arguments that could exist in favor of this monstrosity. People will say, ‘It’s funny. And if you question Chat Roulette, why not a site like Youtube? Isn’t that also just a vehicle for humanity’s inanity?’

Yeah, ok. I guess Chat Roulette could be funny, but for the most part the whole concept just makes me feel like taking a shower. And while Facebook, YouTube, even Twitter, have their (usually obscured) purposes, Chat Roulette really doesn’t seem to have one at all. There are no lasting connections made through Chat Roulette (are there?).

It’s funny though. The scariest part of Chat Roulette is not the people (and penises?) you meet it’s those 2 seconds of dead air before you see your partner. It’s excruciatingly awkward. It’s like going on a blind date, except you don’t even want to go on a date, and the matchmaker is a robot instead of your best friend. and you’re at home wearing the same thing you’ve worn for the last three days and your hair is matted to your head. Yeah, that’s what it’s like. i think that’s Reason #4953 Why Chat Roulette Makes Me Sad.

Here’s some funny screenshots taken from Chat Roulette. Still bums me out though. Looks like when it’s not about straight up sexing, it’s about cowardly heckling.


Today: no chocolate, just vanilla.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 8, 2010 6:13 pm

    In Defence of Chatroulette! and Exclamation Points!!

    I try to stay current and cool. Keep with the times and keep up with the trends.

    Not doing too well. Laura told me about Chatroulette! the day we started our blog (six days ago). By “Laura told me” I really mean: Laura said the word “Chatroulette!” and I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought it was a Roulette game involving cats. I was too lazy/forgot to google the term. So here is how I finally, accidentally discovered Chatroulette!…

    After a crazy game of Monopoly City and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s last fateful Thirsty Thursday, my friend connected us to Chatroulette! (Does it deserve an exclamation point all the time? I think yes!)

    The Chatroulette! population can be broken into three major subgroups:

    1. People who are bored and isolated ( ex. Laura. Evidence below. )
    2. Masturbating exhibitionists ( ex. No one I know? )
    3. A bunch of friends after the Jack Daniel’s is gone ( ex. This should be self-explanatory. )

    Subgroup 2 always has fun. Subgroup 3 has fun until they encounter members of subgroup 2. (Unintentional pun. Excuse me!) Subgroup 1 never has fun because they are neither masturbating nor with their friends. (Mutually exclusive activities, please.)

    For my future Chatroulette! enjoyment, I ask that you stay out of the exhibitionist subgroup. I also advise that Laura and all other Chatroulette!-doubters join subgroup 3. (Laura, I’ll be your “bunch of friends.”) So, if you encounter a dirty blonde and a (slightly) taller brunette wearing weird Value Village sweaters and eating lots of Cadbury’s Mini Eggs on your Chatroulette! adventure: Say Hello!

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